he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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