Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
