Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
