I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I am naked and annoyed.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
