no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
