at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
