I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
