I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
