we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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