That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize