We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
