the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
