You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
