I bet he comes in French.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
