The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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