Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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