One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
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she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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