You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
