I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
