I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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