ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
