so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Someone signed my nipple.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
