when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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