I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
