So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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