Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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