You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
