I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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