You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's official drugs can't kill me
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
