i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
