i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Boobs speak an international language.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
