just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
