I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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