She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
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considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
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I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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