Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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