I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
