I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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