sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
