apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
