I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
