I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
