I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
