i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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