i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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