I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize