If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
