Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we're making bets on your personal life
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
