Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
