i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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