He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
