This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
