he wants to bone in the snuggie
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
