Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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