I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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