he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
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i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
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I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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