you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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