nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
