Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
