see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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