Three words: puerto rican gang bang
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
