I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
