Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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