I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i was born a porn star she said
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
