i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
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That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
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I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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