I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
