who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
