I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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