didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
