I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
