I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
