Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
