Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
