It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
