i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Be still, my beating vagina.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
